No matter the outcome of the forthcoming election, which Obama will win if he cares about the state of my liver, I am beginning to realize that we are in the middle of a notable historic event. Many years from now I am going to be one of those old people who give personal anecdotes to kids who ask questions about some event on a history test they don't care about now, but will later come to appreciate. This realization brings three thoughts to mind. The first is that I hope my grand kids actually learn history, and don't spend their afternoons scavenging for food in a barren dystopic wasteland that used to be America; the second is that, wow, fear really is a big factor in this election; and the third is that I better file away some mundane details about my day so I can bore those future kids proper.
I woke up early this morning to make a 9:00 dental appointment. Normally I would hate getting up in the morning, but for some reason, going to the dentist really energizes me. I think it is because I have something besides work to start my day for and because I feel like a part of normal society when I go there. Until a couple of months ago I hadn't been to a dentist in over 10 years, excluding the time I had an abscess behind my wisdom tooth for a month before seeing someone about it. My family is not particularly fond of dentistry.
Today was especially exciting, because instead of the stoic dentist who never talks to me and drills on my teeth, I got to see Heidi the dental hygienist, who is cute and makes pleasant conversation. I would know the drill guy's name, but he never talks to me. Let me give you an example of the contrast. Heidi the dental hygienist often asks you how you are doing when cleaning your teeth and smiles when you make a face while trying to spit into the suction tube thing designed by someone from the future. Drill guy walks over and wordlessly injects you with stuff, then you have to turn and ask the assistant what the hell drill guy just injected you with while drill guy turns to get another tool. I reminded Heidi the dental hygienist to vote as I left. I didn't remind drill guy to vote, because I think he only communicates in bad news; also, I didn't see him. He was probably lurking somewhere.
After leaving the dentist with newly white white-and-chompys, I pulled into the local sports equipment store. This was great because I could procrastinate a little longer before going to work, but also because I was buying my first squash racquet. I had originally planned on buying a couple of racquetball racquets, but my friend Josh plays squash and he wanted to do a weekly squash session. The squash racquets dismayed me because, despite being half the size of a racquetball racquet, they were twice as expensive! In dollars! I suppose that is the price I pay for friendship and tremendously fun activities. After picking up some safety glasses and a few squash balls, I brought my squash gear over to the counter. "Hey, why are squash racquets twice the price despite being half the size of a racquetball racquet?" I asked the clerk. "I don't know," he replied. "Man, this guy is a terrible salesman," I thought, as I handed my money over anyway.
Clean teeth, check. Squash gear, check. Time to go to work. I arrived only half an hour after my usual time, which was nice considering all the adventures I had already adventured. I confirmed a noon squash appointment with Josh, shipped an important work-related package, emailed my out-of-town advisor (me = grad student), and found out what was causing the heinous bug that had been plaguing my code all weekend (me = computer science grad student). Time for squash!
Apparently only old people play squash at the college gym during lunch time, because that's what we witnessed when we arrived. As a first time player I was conflicted. Should I feel more awesome or less awesome than these geezers? On the one hand, I don't know how to play squash, so they can probably kick my ass. On the other hand, squash is a game that tortures you in direct correspondence to the types of problems you will have when you get old. Arthritis? Guess you won't be gripping that racquet too tightly. Joint problems? You're going to love all the pivoting and knee strain! Back problems? Too bad the ball doesn't bounce more than 2 inches off the ground. Brittle bones? Try not to run into the walls to hard. Senile? Actually, that's a pretty good intimidation factor, especially if you do a lot of arm waving.
Surely I could get through this without embarrassing myself too much. Okay, geezers, get ready to envy the energy of youth! Within the first three hits I sent a ball flying over the back glass and it proceeded to roll over the edge of the stairs and down to the first floor. I made sure to jog down to retrieve it. One, so that I could minimize the number of people who noticed my failure, and two, so I could at least rub in the youthful energy some more.
So you want to know about the election of 2008 do ya? Well, as I recall, that was the squash fall of '08. Back in those days, a racquet only cost 800 nickels! How about that? Alright, where was I? Oh, yeah. The maverick was runnin' against the hope bringer, but I knew he was going to lose because he chose some hussy as his running mate with no common sense and a venomous mouth to boot. She wasn't classy like the dental hygienists of the time, let me tell you. Those dames had class. Too bad they had to work with drill guys. The fillings they put in didn't even work. Do you see these dentures? 100% super-bond future-polymer! Heh! Where was I? So back in the squash fall of '08 I was a squash
machine. In fact, the day before the election I was about to win the national squash championships... or was that in 2013? Well, anyway, that's how Barak Obama became the first black president. (please please please please please please please please)